I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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