I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
