when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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