Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hell yes lets make some ravioli
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Someone came in the potted fern
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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