Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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