dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
