Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
