Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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