he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
