I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
