Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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