Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
