hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My hand turned me down
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
