i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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