dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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