The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize