Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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