you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
