Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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