I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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