All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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