I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
