matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
