he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
