So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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