In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
