Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
