By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
