after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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