Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
