I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
