dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize