Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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