I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize