This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
