The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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