it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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