there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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