She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
