I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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