when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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