OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
