i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
