You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
