pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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