So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
