Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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