I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
