I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
