Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
