I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
