Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
