mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
