i don't like sucking hair
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
