Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
dude. I can hear the air.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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