Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
