Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
