dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
this hospital has no fireball
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
