Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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