you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
