you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Will exercising make me less horny?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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