we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
