I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
